Jamie & Claire Reunite for Birth of their Baby
by suzee
Summary: Claire returns to Jamie for the birth of their child. This story is for fans who did not like the 20-year separation of Jamie and Claire.


CHAPTER ONE – BACK THROUGH THE STONES

As I lay awake, alone, in our bed, I checked the clock once again and saw that it was now 2:32 a.m., exactly two minutes past the last time I checked. It's not as though Frank hadn't done this before, it's just that this was the first time since I had returned. I heard the soft thud of the door downstairs and his light footsteps as he crept up to our room. I pretended to sleep as he checked on me, then listened as the shower came on. 'So, here we go again,' I thought. 'I hope this time it's at least a faculty wife, not some little perky co-ed.' Why did I care? I had made up my mind a half an hour ago—I was leaving.

I knew Jamie had expected to be killed at Culloden, and yet, in my heart of hearts, I didn't _feel_ it. Wouldn't I feel it if he had? What if he needed me? If he was sick, I could help him, or if he'd been badly injured, I wanted to be there, since I could do more for him than any of the average healers of his time could. It didn't matter in what condition I'd find him, I only wanted to see him again, touch him, smell him, taste him. I groaned into my pillow with longing. I could vividly remember the feel of his hands on me, touching our baby, now moving in my belly, touching me on my face, my body, touching me inside where I needed him so.

Since I'd come back through the stones, I had felt nothing but a gnawing emptiness, which was accompanied by a terrible, aching sadness. Frank and I had no relationship beyond that of polite cohabitation. I cooked for him and did his laundry, and that was about it. Jamie, however, was the other half of me, and without him, I felt I couldn't live, not half alive as I was now. "Oh, Jamie, I want you so!" I whispered to the breeze in the window. "Hold on—I'm coming back."

The next week was hectic, checking in with my doctor, getting my vitamins in a three-month supply this time, running about to gather up the things I would need. It bothered me a little that this pregnancy was only a month or so past the point at which I had lost Faith, but I had to have "faith" that this one would be okay. I stopped at Sally's, the woman who did alterations for me, and she made me two serviceable dresses that would do well in the 1740s. She didn't even ask why, thank goodness, and she showed me how I could easily cinch them in after the baby was born, and gave me matching thread. I also had her make a copy of my tattered shift. I had worn it out long before my trip back, and a fresh one was definitely in order. The hospital had wanted to throw it away, along with the other "rags" I had been wearing, but I wouldn't let them—they still smelled of Jamie and our last encounter, and now and then, when I missed him so much I thought I'd die of it, I took them out of the bag I kept hidden in my closet and buried my face in them, breathing what was left of him and weeping for my loss. Now I was determined to do more than sniff him from a bleeding rag bag—I'd put my nose on him and inhale him for as long as I possibly could—in the flesh.

I went to a leather shop and picked out the largest backpack I thought I could realistically manage, once I had it loaded with my essentials, one with no metal on it, just ties. I also stopped at the hospital where I knew I could find my friend, Cam Gavin, a doctor I had worked with in the service. As I walked down the halls, the familiar hospital smells calmed my jitters a bit. I found his office and went in, trying not to be nervous. I had figured out what I'd tell him, but hoped he would believe it. His receptionist told me it would only be a few minutes, and before my nerves got too out of hand, I was escorted to his private office.

"Claire!" he exclaimed hugging me briefly, then showing me to a chair, "how are you doing, my dear? I see a little addition is on the way! Congratulations!"

I beamed at him, touching my precious swelling and said, "Yes, a bit unexpected, Cam, but very much wanted!"

"That's how it usually is, dear, but honestly, I see you are positively glowing. Motherhood must be agreeing with you."

"Well, I've had a few scares, actually, Cam, but now I seem to be okay. It's so good to see you again, and I do hate to be in a hurry, but I have a favor to ask, and I'm afraid I'm in a bit of a rush."

"By all means, my dear, just ask," he said with concern in his eyes. "What is it that I can do for you?"

"Cam, Frank and I have had some very bad news. Frank's uncle, who is serving in the Peace Corps in a remote village outside of Taiwan, has disappeared. Frank and I are going to fly there tomorrow to see if we might be of help in finding him. It's a very remote and primitive place, and we don't know how long we'll be staying, so I'm going to need some provisions, both for myself and the people I will be treating while we are there."

"Oh, really? That's going to set you back with your plans to move to Boston, isn't it?"

"Yes, it will. Frankly, I'm surprised the news has traveled so fast, but you see, we feel we simply cannot leave for Boston until we see what's going on with Uncle Jack."

I left Cam's office with a huge supply of penicillin tabs, syringes, various inoculations (I intended to give the baby what it would need to be invulnerable to tetanus and smallpox, at least!) and a few other essential medical supplies. I also left with Cam's stern advice that I not make the trip. I didn't even feel guilty about lying, since I knew Jamie may need help, and I certainly didn't want to face childbed fever again without antibiotics. I stuffed the extra dress, medicines, a few baby supplies (safety pins!) and whatever I felt I could reasonably manage to carry into the pack. I even took a small jar of peanut butter and some "survival food" in the form of a protein-rich powder which we used for terminally ill patients who couldn't eat. I didn't care if people wondered where I got this stuff. I felt the urgent need to be prepared and to leave as soon as possible.

I took a train to Inverness, arriving the morning of October 30, allowing me to be at the circle at the time of Samhain, one of the major "sun feasts," which I fervently hoped was a perfect time to go through. I wasn't sure if the backpack would make the trip with me, but I had to try! I arranged for a cab to pick me up early the next morning; then I checked into my hotel. At six o'clock a.m., October 31, I took a long cab ride to Craih na Dun, tipping the cabbie generously when we finally arrived at the base of the stones. He gave me a strange look when I said I didn't want him to wait, but then he merely shrugged and left me behind, alone and terrified, but excited as well.

I headed for the circle, but the climb was arduous. It was a typical misty day in the Highlands, and I was glad I had my cloak on. I'd had it re-lined, and after a good dry cleaning, it looked pretty decent, and right now I was glad for its warmth. I climbed as slowly and carefully as I could force myself to go, since I certainly didn't want to risk a fall out here all by myself! It seemed that I was chugging up the hill for a long time, getting fairly winded, and about halfway up, I began to feel a change in the air, making my skin prickle with apprehension. I had heard and felt this before, but even so, I didn't like the feel of those odd vibrations going through me, accompanied by an eerie hum that was beyond description; nevertheless, I trudged on, even as I felt the hair begin to rise on my arms and the back of my neck. It scared me to think of going through again, but what choice did I have? I certainly couldn't turn back now! I wanted to do this, I reminded myself, feeling my pregnancy more with each step I took, slowing me down in spite of my sense of urgency. I touched my belly, as though trying to tell the baby not to be as scared as I was, even as my heart beat frantically with fear, anticipation and exertion. My heavy backpack slowed me down as well, but I found it somehow comforting, as though its weight held me to the earth until I, myself, made the decision to step through the cleft.

As I neared the circle, the vibrations became stronger. I felt them in my bones, and my teeth actually began to chatter, perhaps from fright; perhaps not. The noise was almost worse; it became louder and louder until I could hear nothing but the bloody screaming stones, and my head felt as if it would split in two. I looked at the cleft from a good distance away. I was now truly terrified, knowing what was in that place, knowing how it would feel to be in that transitional tunnel, or whatever it was, knowing I may never come out of there, but knowing I had to go throughthis simply _had _to work. I had to find Jamie, and if I didn't make it, well, so be it. I had no life without him anyway.

Shaking and chattering, I took one step forward, holding onto my silver wedding ring, clearing my mind of everything, but keeping Jamie's image firmly in my thoughts, as I had no intention of ending up anywhere but close to him, and somehow envisioning his dear face made me feel as if I could actually accomplish this. I took another step, and then another. "JAMIE!" I heard myself scream, and then nothing but chaos surrounded me. Over and over in my head I screamed his name, not knowing if it was my own voice or the stones, but in the pinpoint of light ahead of me, I heard him calling me. "CLAIRE!" It was a desperate sound, full of anguish, almost a prayer, but a definite cry of heartfelt pain. When I came to consciousness, I was on dry ground, the sun baking my face to what felt like a second degree burn, and disoriented as I was, I knew I had to move or fry.

How unusual, I thought, even in my brain-fogged state, to be in Scotland with the sun shining on me. I had definitely landed in a different place from where I had left, and I could only hope it was the right place and the right time. I guessed I'd find out soon enough. For now, however, the problem was that the sun's heat was penetrating my dark wrap, and I knew I had to cool off soon or risk a heatstroke. There was no sound anywhere around me; I was completely alone. I opened my eyes and looked up into the blue sky of Scotland, and slowly began the process of reconnecting my brain with my body. I tried to raise my head up, but didn't have the strength. I had no idea how long I had been lying where I was, but I thought it probably had been several hours, and I had to trust that soon I would be strong enough to move; I had been through this before, I could do it again, I silently reminded myself. I laid my head back down to rest for a few minutes more, turning my head into the folds of my cloak to protect my skin as best I could, and dozed for a few minutes, dreaming of Jamie holding our baby, then waking suddenly, feeling his presence near me, and then I again drifted into a light sleep. When I woke this time, the sun was getting lower in the sky, helping me not feel so hot, which was a relief. I was terribly thirsty, though, and knew I had to get to my pack for some water.

"Beauchamp, you'll die of dehydration out here if you don't get to water soon," I heard my mind speak to me. I could tell that with the sun going down, it soon would be quite cool, and I needed to set up a camp for the night, or at least find a safe place to sleep. Not that it was actually so cold out; for late October, it was pretty mild, but I remembered how chilly this land was without the sun to warm it on autumn nights.

I first tried to move my arms, and failing on my first attempt to lift them, waited a moment, and then gave a grunting effort which resulted in my hands flopping onto my face, as if of their own volition. At least my face felt okay. Panic gripped me suddenly, sending my hands to my stomach, the mound moving languidly, as though no big thing had happened. Okay. The baby seemed all right. I wiggled my toes and the feeling began returning to my legs, and soon I felt steady enough to lift my head up enough to take a look at my surroundings without falling back in a dizzy stupor.

My leather sack sat a few feet away from me, contents probably baked, but looking unharmed by the trip. That was a relief! As I took stock, I was happy to find that I still had my clothes on, including my shoes, and nothing was on fire, all positive signs, I decided. I felt very tired, almost too exhausted to move, but I had to get up—no sense lying here until I died. I managed to crawl inelegantly over to my pack and then sat up, wiggling out of my cloak to cool off for a short while before the chill of a Highland night set in and I'd have to put the thing back on. Mind clearing, I now had to deal with how to get somewhere from nowhere, and then to figure out what year this was. The last time I'd been here, Dougal's group had readily picked me up, and I was a bit afraid of the stray Dragoon or two who may catch me here and remember me! For all I knew, Jack Randall may not have died on his appointed day after all, and could be lurking behind a tree again, which would definitely cause me even more trouble than the last time we had met here! I figured I had to get to Lallybroch somehow, since I had no idea of what was going on post-Culloden with Jamie and the Murrays, and I knew I needed to get there as soon as I possibly could. But how? Walking, had I been in my normal state of fitness, would have gotten me to a place where I might find a ride, but in my present state of advanced pregnancy, and with a heavy backpack, I had to be realistic and admit this was the one part of the plan I hadn't adequately worked out.

"Okay, Beauchamp, think of something!" I chided myself. No stranger to harsh conditions after traveling with Jamie for three years, I knew I would figure something out, and I would not only survive, I'd bloody get where I wanted to go, or I'd surely die trying. I dragged my feet and my things down the road for a distance of about a half mile before I had to get off of into a clearing and make camp for the night.

I sat on my cloak and looked around. Dark would be upon me soon, so whatever I was going to do, I should do it fast. The thing was, I was simply too tired. I opened my pack and took out my jar of peanut butter and my water bottle. I'd have to get rid of the plastic container sometime, but for now I wasn't concerned. I knew there were springs and small streams along the way, so I'd only keep it as long as I had to. Maybe some gallant gentleman would happen by and offer me a ride? I could at least hope! With the lump of peanuts and some water in my stomach, I found myself drowsy enough to roll up in my cloak and I fall asleep immediately. I dreamed about Frank, for some reason. He was telling me he was sorry and he wanted me to stay with him, using a pleading voice that was very unlike him. I think I was feeling somewhat sorry for him, but as morning dawned on me and I began to wake from my slumber, I knew very well that what I felt was not Frank's lips on mine, but rather it was Jamie's kiss waking me to a misty dawn, telling me to get up and get goingright now! I hesitated, but felt almost compelled by the dream, so arose as quickly as I could, had some more water and few soda crackers that I'd thrown in my sack, then hoisted it to my back and set out on the journey toward the only home I had ever known.

CHAPTER TWO – OLD ACQUAINTANCE

"We're on our way, little one," I said to my belly. "Soon we'll both be with your daddy." As alone as I felt, I guessed I truly wasn't, so I kept up a conversation with the baby, which helped take my mind off of my back and feet. After I had walked a mile or so, I decided I couldn't take the pack with me because that, along with the baby, made walking too slow and too difficult. I made the decision to take from my pack what I deemed essential for the trip, and decided I'd leave it hidden somewhere, hoping to get back to it when I found some mode of transportation that didn't involve my aching calf muscles. I tucked the most important items into the pockets sewn inside of my cloak, mostly food and water, and some plastic-wrapped matches. I congratulated myself on that little bit of foresightmaking fire would have been impossible without the matches, and I simply couldn't know how long I'd be on the road. I found a good hiding place for the backpack, and I ate some more peanut butter and crackers. I swilled a little more water and headed out of the bushes toward the road. I was just emerging when I heard someone approaching on horseback. I froze, wondering what to do—he had probably seen me by now. I stayed where I was, head bowed, hoping not to be recognized or bothered. I certainly didn't want to end up in prison, and I knew my image was probably still fresh in the minds of the English patrol around here. I jumped when the voice spoke to me.

"Hey, Lass! A bit far from home, are ye?"

I quickly assessed my situation. True, I was relieved to hear Scots spoken instead of the King's English, but I hesitated to reply—should I pretend to be French? Or should I hope this was a friend of the Fraser family? I didn't recognize the voice, but it sounded vaguely familiar, probably due to the accent. Slowly I raised my head until I was looking up at the man on horseback, and a rush of relief and excitement flooded me. I immediately felt my face grow into one huge smile. "Ned! Ned Gowan! You must be my guardian angel! You always appear when I need you most!" I couldn't have been more surprised had it been St. Michael himself, I thought. I suddenly felt a stab of love for this man and his craggy old face, and I may have kissed him if I could have leapt onto his horse, but contented myself with just smiling at him.

Ned was smiling broadly at me as well as he said, "Actually, Mrs. Fraser, I left Stirling a while back, and now I'm on my way past Lallybroch—is that by chance where ye might be headed? All alone? And in a family way?" He looked at me questioningly.

I couldn't blame him for his puzzlement—I would have a hard time explaining my presence here just now, especially in my obviously pregnant condition, but I'd have to deal with that later. "Lallybroch!" I exclaimed, trembling with excitement. "That is certainly the place I want to get to, Ned, but as you might notice, I'm ill equipped for the journey!"

"Aye, Mrs. Fraser, I do see ye are in a bit of a predicament, so may I offer to help ye out? I'd be honored if ye'd accompany me on my old mare here. Her name's Fern. She's not sae young and pretty as she once was, but she's a good, steady horse." He patted her with obvious affection.

I was so grateful I nearly fainted. "Oh, Ned! I'd be forever in your debt! You see, I've just come from far away; I was to stay with some relatives until after the baby was born, but I found I missed my husband so much that I ran away without bringing much with me—what I have is behind me in the shrubs. If you'd not mind waiting for a minute, I'll go pick up my bag and. . .

"Just point to the spot, lass," Ned said as he gracefully dismounted. "Let me fetch it for ye and I'll tie it on Fern's rump with the rest of my things." I pointed, Ned retrieved, and I watched him fasten my pack securely with the ropes that held his own traveling gear. Then he turned to me and looked me up and down as if assessing how difficult it would be to get me up into the saddle. I felt myself blushing slightly, but embarrassment was a small price to pay for such a gift—a direct ride to Lallybroch! What fortunate timing it was that I had started out when I did. What if I had missed him? Oh! What if Jamie hadn't kissed me awake? It was Jamie's doing, putting me in Ned's path—it had to be.

Ned must have seen me blush, and gentleman that he was, he simply stepped to the side of his horse, bent and held his hands out for my foot, meaning to help boost me up. We managed the maneuver with only a mild grunt of exertion from Ned, and soon we were on our way.

"Ned, I cannot tell you how glad I am to see you!" I sighed a huge sigh of relief and settled myself as comfortably as I could. I wanted badly to ask him about Jamie, but didn't know how to inquire as to what year it was, and then ask if my husband was alive, without sounding quite insane. Oh well, we had a long journey ahead of us, and I'd be sure to find out whatever tidbits he knew as we traveled.

The horse was going along at a rather subdued pace, I noticed, and silently thanked this angel of mercy for not jarring me in the saddle any more than necessary. We rode in silence for a short while, and I was dreading the question which soon came:

"I suppose I should ask ye how ye got here in the middle o' nowhere," Ned began, and I could feel my heart skip a beat. What would I tell him? I tried to think of a good lie, but nothing came to mind. "But," he kept on, "I'm afraid I mayna' believe it anyway, so maybe ye'll just tell me later if I dinna ask it just now?"

I let my breath out with such force that I was sure he heard it, even over the clop-clop of the hooves. Instead of putting me on the spot, though, he explained the slow pace at which we were moving: "I'm thinkin' we'd better take it a bit soft on account o' the bairn, aye?"

I silently blessed him yet again and said, "Oh, Ned, I really appreciate that, but I don't want to hold you up—you probably have business to attend to, don't you?"

"Och, aye, but none so important as to risk the bairn, no?" I thanked him by turning around and giving him a sincere smile of appreciation, which caused him to grin. With the tension broken, I relaxed, and tried to forget that I already had to pee.

As we rode in silence, I was bursting with want of knowledge about Jamie, so I finally broached the subject: "Ned, have you heard anything of Jamie since Culloden? I haven't heard much and I'm worried to death about him."

"Ye say ye've no word of your husband? That's a bit strange, as it's been a subject of some interest among the locals. I've been told he was to be shot with the rest o' them poor souls, and somehow managed to get sent home in a wagon, almost dead, but not quite. From what I hear, he came back sore wounded from the battle, but I do believe he lived, thanks to the efforts of that sister of his, Jenny, isn't it?. Ye must know that Jenny can be verra stubborn, and I'm sure she didna take "no" for an answer if the Lord was set on takin' her brother! I'm no so sure in what condition ye may find him, though, and I also hear he is in hiding from the English. If they have cause to search and find him, his future is no so bright, aye?"

"Yes, I would imagine, and mine as well. I have cause to believe the English would be more than happy to hang me as a traitor, if they could find me, the "Stuart Witch."

"Och, I did hear about that, and to be sure, lass, I'd be careful not to let it be known you're about these parts again. Your husband's presence is known only to his family, and me, of course."

I was struggling not to whoop for joy. Jamie was alive! I had managed to get here just when I wanted to! I got control of my emotions and asked a practical question: "Have the English been around much? I know this is a dangerous time for all of us."

"Och, aye, and they've torn apart all of the houses, burnt some down, even. I've seen it, and it's no a pretty picture, aye? I'm told the English are tryin' to reclaim everything they can for the Crown, ye ken, due to their opinion that every Scot in the Highlands is a traitor, and what' they've left behind is a pitiful small bit. Most o' that's been sold for food or essentials, but ye'll be knowin' these folk around here—they'll survive on nothin' but their wits, and that's about all they've left."

We rode in a rather subdued silence, Ned continuing to keep the horse at an even pace so as not to jar me, and as eager as I was to get home, I knew it would be better to keep going at this speed for the sake of the child. In my heart, I was still thanking whatever forces had sent Ned, be it God or the angels, or maybe Jamie's prayers, for I knew he'd not forget to pray for us every day. The more I thought about it, the more I became certain that someone had intervened for us, and it gave me comfort. I must have been meant to come back. Back here, to this time, back to Scotland again, mostly, though, back to my husband, the only one I loved. My heart was full with anticipation.

Surprisingly, we met not a soul on the road that day, and as nightfall came upon us, the weather lightened a bit. I was fairly soaked and chilled, and was thankful when Ned suggested we set up camp for the night, heading the horse through a narrow break in the trees to a clearing that would be out of sight of the road. I was all too willing to stop now, being completely exhausted. Riding all day on a horse when you aren't used to saddle riding is tough; being seven months pregnant and spending a day on a horse just about had me lame. I also figured I'd missed quite a lot of sleep over the past week, and I had been _awakened_ early this morning so I'd not miss my ride, and as good as that bit of fortune was, it added to my sense of utter and complete exhaustion. I thought again of that kiss and put my fingers to my lips, feeling my face flush with the memory. Soon, I fervently hoped, that kiss would touch my lips for real, in the arms of my husband.

Ned gallantly helped me down as well as he could. This was about the fourth time he had had to do it—my bladder simply would not wait with the babe pressing on it, and I'll have to say, I doubt many men would have been such good sports about all the stops we made. Ned was not a big man, and I was sure I outweighed him by a few stones at this point, but he didn't complain and I was eternally grateful. He went to work immediately by readying our little campsite. He laid out a blanket for me and started a fire. I picked up the kettle he had unpacked.

"How about if I go get the water and start it boiling for some tea?"

"That would be excellent!" He smiled. "I'll go find us something to eat now; hopefully I'll return shortly, and we'll have supper." He strode off with his little bow and some arrows, and I'll admit, I wasn't very confident in his ability to procure a meal for us.

I got the water at a nearby spring and set the kettle to start heating up in the fire. While I waited for my much anticipated tea, I gladly sank down next to the fire and fed it more fuel. The air was getting colder as night began creeping upon us, and I found myself looking forward to rest and warmth. Ned had put out two chipped cups, and I pinched a clump of tea leaves into each, and when the kettle boiled, I let mine steep, holding the cup close to my chest, breathing in the welcome aroma. As the fire grew in size and heat, I stood near it, and as I felt my body grow warmer and dryer, my mind wandered off to thoughts of a cozy hearth fire and loved ones around it, which made me sigh with both longing and content, picturing us all together, my head resting on Jamie's shoulder. I sipped my tea in my imaginary bliss. In a surprisingly short time, Ned appeared with a nice fat rabbit, already skinned and gutted, ready for the spit. I had to admit that even though Ned did not seem the outdoor hunter type, he was obviously capable enough with a bow and arrow to keep himself fed as he traveled about, and I was most grateful when at last we fell hungrily upon the juicy, hot meat.

"Oh!" I exclaimed. "This is so good! I didn't know how hungry I was until just now!" I found myself groaning with pleasure and satisfaction, which put a smile on Ned's face.

"I always enjoy a fresh rabbit cooked over an open fire," he said. "I do have to travel a good bit of the time, and I've learned to enjoy the smells and sounds of the moors, as well as learning how to bag dinner in a hurry!" He chuckled at his cleverness. Then added, "'Twas a bit of luck I stuck out on a shortcut today, which brought me across your path, I'm thinking."

His eyes pierced mine with questioning, and all I could do was smile at him. "I'm so glad you came long, Ned. It would have been a very long trip by foot!"

"Aye, it's a distance to go yet, but we'll be there by late night tomorrow. I'm sure the lot of the relatives will be verra glad to see ye." He had the grace not to ask me any questions, and I offered no explanation, since I hadn't really though up a good lie yet.

"Oh, and I'll be so happy to be reunited with all of them!" I said enthusiastically, licking my fingers to get all of the juice.

"I truly hope ye feel the same once ye get there, lassie. I must tell ye, it's been a tough time for all to struggle through. A fair number have died from hunger and sickness, or bein' shot, ye see, and I don't mind telling ye, I'm fearing a bit for you and the bairn. I've been wondering now and again how you and your man fared after the witch trial and all, and ye seem to be lookin' in good flesh now, but it's not the same where ye're goin' as from where ye came, is all I can say. I truly hope ye'll be well. After all, I'm takin' ye there, and I'll feel a bit responsible for the both of ye, even though it's you that's choosing to go there."

I heard the concerned warning in his voice and tried to reassure him. "I appreciate your telling me how it is here, Ned, but really, I'll be fine. I'm pretty resourceful when I have to be, and I'd move heaven and earth to get back to my family."

"Aye, I can see that," he said, looking me over with a practiced eye, "and I'm certain they feel the same, knowin' ye're comin' along from so far away. Ye did send them notice did ye say? Do ye ken they'll be worrit for ye on the journey all alone? Or was someone planning to meet ye and hasna found ye yet?" Again those questioning eyes looked directly into mine, kindly challenging me to tell the truth.

"No, actually, I made a rather quick decision to leave. They don't know I'm on my way. I hope it will be a good surprise." I quickly lowered my head and picked up my tea. If my glass face gave me away, I didn't want him to see it. But now I began to worry about the conditions at Lallybroch. I would be one more mouth to feed, soon two, and if they were already starving—well, we'd just have to manage, wouldn't we? I did, after all, still have my gold jewelry on me, and I knew Jamie would have enough connections to have it either sold or pawned somewhere. We may as well turn Frank's gifts to me into a useful commodity—I figured what I had brought was worth at least two years' wages for an average farmer—maybe more—hopefully enough to sustain us for quite a while. They held little sentimental value, and I couldn't eat them! I stealthily put a hand to my neck where all of my gold necklaces were hidden under my clothing. From the weight of them, I felt sure they were all there; then I peeked under my sleeves and saw that my gold bracelets, too, had seemed to come through okay. I hadn't left Frank a note when I left—I hadn't really known what to say, and thought perhaps my disappearance once again would be a relief to him, but I had left all of my gemstone jewelry out on our dresser. I figured he could at least recycle the goods by impressing his next little honey with a diamond bracelet or a pair of earrings. I thought he deserved that much of what we had shared, and, after all, I had taken all of my gold, which was going to be enough, I hoped, to make things easier for all of us.

When we had finished our meal, I thanked Ned profusely, then told him I simply had to lie down, and asked him to forgive me, but that the baby and I needed to rest. He was most accommodating and bid me good evening as he crawled into his cloak for the night. He had given me his blanket to lie on, and I sank into it, lying upon the soft leaves I had mounded up under it, and promptly fell asleep.

I slept heavily, not even waking to head for the bushes in the night, but coming to with the disorientation that often accompanies a deep slumber. This certainly wasn't home, it wasn't my bed, and Frank was not here, but there was loud snoring coming from a place close by. With sudden recall, my heart fluttered as I remembered where I was and whyI was getting close, and could possibly see Jamie tonight. I rose awkwardly and slid into the trees to relieve myself. I had to go very badly, having slept so soundly. I almost sighed out loud with relief. The baby felt especially heavy this morning. I would feel much better getting to Lallybroch and whatever civilization it offered, even though it may not be much better than this, but suffice it to say, this baby was very important to me, and I could do nothing to put him or her in any sort of danger. I thought about that as I walked back to our camp, and decided that I HAD put it in danger just by coming here. I had known there was a risk, but I took it, and felt I had done the right thing. Well, of course it was right! Didn't Jamie deserve to see his child? We had both waited so long for this blessing, and now it was coming soon, and I could hardly wait for the day that he would at last hold his "bairn," a "child of his blood," he would say. That I could give him such a gift made me feel such a profound happiness in my heart that it made me want to hug something, but Ned was the only one around, and I thought he might be disconcerted at my outward show of emotion. Yes, I surely did look forward to seeing our child held Jamie's large, strong arms, but I would have to confess, if I were being totally honest, that mostly I looked forward to being enclosed in those big arms myself.

But what if he had no arms? I shivered with the thought. What if he had lost a leg, like Ian, or what if. . .I settled my thoughts. It simply would not matter. As long as he had his mind, he was Jamie, and I would gladly take him to me in any physical state, no matter how badly wounded he had been. He was my life; without him nothing much mattered, and that was all about it.

When I returned to our campsite, the fire was revived, and Ned was stirring the oatmeal parritch, so loved by the Scots, in a small pan over the flames. Soon he was handing me a generous helping, along with the hot tea he had made, and a small chunk of goat cheese. I sighed aloud as I partook of the breakfast. "Ned, I don't think I've ever had a better breakfast! I was so hungry! You certainly do know how to travel!" In all the time Jamie and I spent on horseback traveling these roads, we usually hadn't taken the time for such luxuries as a hot breakfast, save for the times he had killed something before we left camp, or the rare times we stayed at an inn and were served something to eat before we set out again. This was definitely an unexpected nicety, and, bless Ned's sweet heart, I couldn't have enjoyed it more if I'd been dining at the Ritz.

Ned smiled at me from across the fire. "Och, it's nothing, lass. Just eat up and feed that bairn is all I want ye to do!"

Just at that moment, life was good. Soon we would be on our way, and I would be closer, step by step, to the man I loved. 'I'm coming, Jamie! I'm on my way!' I thought to myself. This time I shivered, but it was with anticipation.

≈

The cave was cold and damp, but despite the chill, Jamie tossed restlessly in another of his fevered dreams. Since the wound on his thigh had healed over, it still throbbed from time to time, and he still shook with fever now and again. It would be another long night of sleeplessness, burning with the fever that came and went at will, which was bad enough, but the dreams were worse! Those were enough to drive him out of his mind! Usually they were of battle and blood, or oftentimes of Claire. . .those were more difficult. He sometimes woke to the sound of his own sobbing, not quite remembering what caused it, but he could take a good guess. He reached for his water tin and drank thirstily, then laid his head back down hoping for the headache and fever to subside enough for him to sleep. Eventually he fell into a light doze.

"AH!" he cried, waking suddenly and sitting up. What in the. . .  
The moon had arisen high in the sky; maybe the full moon made him dream more, he wasn't sure, but the dream was still so clear in his mind that it seemed all too real. Claire had come to him again in his dream, soothing his fevered brow with her cool hand, murmuring her love to him, rubbing his head, running her fingers through his hair. She had come to him so often over the past months as he lay near death and as he suffered from a nearly disabling loneliness, wishing often for the relief death might bring. The dream shouldn't have awakened him with such a start, but this time he had distinctly heard her calling his name. Usually when she came to him in a dream, she didn't speak, and this time he swore he heard her call out his name as clearly as if she had been standing next to him.

Jamie found himself shaking, probably from fever, but partly from the emotional impact of such a dream. He put his head in his hands, sitting on his bedclothes, and let the tears come. It wasn't often that he willingly gave in to them, but the thought of Claire and his child somewhere so far away, so out of reach, brought a physical pain of such magnitude that the only release seemed to be wrenching sobs. The desolation and heartache of his loss ran down his face, down his hands, and dripped onto the bed. At times he had to moan out loud, swear or hit the wall hard with his fists, but it didn't really help much—his imagination still tortured him: Claire in another man's arms, another man holding her, ripe and swollen with his own child, _his_ blood. And Claire! Oh, Claire was most surely flesh of his flesh, and to her alone he had given all of himself, body, soul and spirit, but then she had taken that away with her, away to another time, another man. . .He badly wanted to scream and shout, but couldn't risk it. Dragoons could be on patrol and he couldn't compromise his hiding place, although sometimes he wondered why. Death seemed a much more peaceful option that this agony.

"Oh, God, Claire!" he sobbed aloud to himself. "I miss ye sorely! CLAIRE! I need ye here!" He talked of her to no one, never spoke her name out loud except in the solitude of his cave. It was a bitter and temporary relief from the strong need he felt inside of him to simply say her name, for nobody would ever understand how her name alone could both heal and torture, and speak it he would, here, for he could not help himself. The solitude of the cave at least offered a haven where he could talk to her out loud and not be thought daft. The pain of his loss knifed through him just as surely as a well-placed blade, and he thought that would be a much easier pain. This pain was so deep it tore through his soul so that he felt split in two, but that was really the whole issue, wasn't it--he had surrendered himself to her completely, and now had actually lost half of himself, and no wonder it hurt. "Oh God, have mercy!" he prayed aloud in agony, and then uttered again his constant prayer, softly, "and God please take care of my wife and child wherever they are." Wiping his eyes and face with his shirt, he felt the ground for his sandals. The full moon made leaving the cave a risk, but he had to get out and breathe the air. It made him feel closer to her, as if he could breathe in the same air she would inhale and they could still share that small bit of intimacy.

As Jamie opened the small door, he stooped and stopped, as always, to grab his bow, just in case he chanced to find a bit of food wandering across his path. He listened for any sounds of someone on the road above, and heard nothing. He stepped out, observing that the road tonight was aglow with the light of the moon, and the moonbeams brought memories of Claire walking that same path, with her hair all a wild tangle in the wind, a basket in her slender fingers, filled with the flowers and tangy herbs of the land. He could still see the wind pressing against her dress so that the curves of her body stood out, and she was smiling at him. Oh, to see her again. With a bitter nod toward the moon, Jamie set off to seek the solace of nature.

≈

We had traveled all day with only brief breaks for me to find relief in the bushes and to eat a quick lunch of stale bannocks from Ned's supply, and had supped only on stale oatcakes as we kept going, not wanting to prolong the trip by stopping again. Fortunately, he had a couple of bottles of ale left, and it tasted like the best of champagnes as it washed down the unappetizing fare. We had filled his pouch with water at a spring along the way, but I had gulped most of that by now. Pregnancy seemed to bring on not only a bigger appetite, but a strong thirst as well, which didn't help when on a long trip. I often held myself until bursting, since it was such an ungainly endeavor to dismount and remount the horse in my swollen condition. I was sure Ned was eager to dump me off at the first logical place. As if reading my mind, he said,

"We're getting close, Mrs. Fraser—can ye see from here?" He brought the horse to a halt at the top of the hill where Lallybroch was visible far off in the distance, and in the dark, with the full moon's light, it's white stones shone as brightly as the Star in the East must have shown itself to the magi, and like them, I felt the pull of it, begging me forward. I may as well have been riding a camel—I felt as though I was heading for salvation.

"Oh! Yes!" I gushed, "It's just as I remembered it! Please, do hurry! I know it's late, but I really am quite eager to get home."

"Aye, we'll be there presently." He gently nudged the horse in the ribs, and we set off at a bit of a clip, enough to bounce my breasts and belly quite a lot, and I was again glad for his courtesy thus far of keeping the horse at a fairly sedate pace. Now I didn't care—I just wanted to get there—even more so, now that I had actually seen the place! 'I'm coming, Jamie!' my thoughts said over and over until they became a prayer for him to be there. Oh, what if he hadn't survived? What if the English had found him? What would I do? I guessed I'd have to figure that out if it happened. For now, I hung onto the saddle, eager and ready for my trip to end.

It seemed it had taken us forever to arrive at the rise on the road above Lallybroch, but when we at last reached that familiar spot, I asked Ned to stop. From this vantage point, I could see the house clearly, and though some of the small buildings seemed to be gone, it looked basically the same. My heart leapt inside my chest.

"Won't ye be wantin' me to set ye right at the door Mrs. Fraser? As ye can see, it's no much farther."

"Oh, my dear friend, I do thank you so much for your help and trouble. I hope someday I might repay you for it, but for now, I need to walk this last bit alone, if you don't mind. It's been a very long time since I've been here, and I need to quiet my thoughts before I burst in on everyone in the middle of the night." I laid my hand on his arm and gave it a squeeze.

"As you wish, Mrs. Fraser," Ned said softly, as he dismounted once again. He held up his arms for me and helped me off of the horse, then unfastened my pack and handed it over to me. "That's mighty heavy, if I do say so myself. Are you sure you'd not like me to deliver ye right up to the door?"

I grunted slightly as I took possession of the backpack, but held onto it and said, "Oh really, no, this is perfect. I want you to be on your way before it gets any later. I know I've greatly delayed you, but I do thank you for your care in seeing me safely here."

"It has been my pleasure. I remain your servant, Madam." He bowed ceremoniously to me, as though I were royalty, and I thought how dear he was, and again, how fortunate that it was he who found me waddling down the long road, and not some horrid soldier who would have arrested me on the spot. A few times today he had pulled off the road when we thought we heard someone about to pass us by, and thankfully, we never had to say as much as a 'hello' to a single soul. "You take care now, and I hope I shall see you again soon," he said, eyes searching mine for some hint of the mystery he surely felt hovering about me, but still he said nothing. He swung easily up onto the saddle, nickered to the horse, and pulling it aside, gave me a friendly wave and took off down the road.

So, here I was, at long last, alone, standing on the familiar road leading to the only place that had ever seemed like home. Would it be that for me again? I trembled a bit, probably from anticipation, maybe partly from fear of the unknown, but whatever lay ahead, I wanted to get there. I slung the pack over one shoulder and began to walk down the hill.

CHAPTER THREE - LALLYBROCH

Jamie knew it was going to be first light soon. The moon was beginning to fade into the brightening sky as dawn approached. At least he had snagged a few more rabbits for a stew tonight. That should make Jenny happy. So many hungry mouths to feed here, and he could only hunt at night. He walked down to the door of the house and hung the meat up on the line Jenny left for that purpose. He knew she would check as soon as she rose, hoping he had found something for them to eat. He looked longingly at the closed door, imagining himself able to move about freely, sharing meals and talk with the family inside, but that was out of the question for now. Night would soon turn to day, and he'd have to get back to the cave before light. Turning back around, he dragged his feet toward the hill leading to his hideout. He walked with his head down, like a man with a heavy burden about to break him. Oh well. At least he didn't feel so flushed and fevered now. The cool air and exercise had done him good.

His eyes went once again up to the road as he walked the incline that led to his cave. She was there again, a spectre in the wind, face glowing in the light of the moon. She was beautiful, he thought, fleshed out and healthy, almost robust! He kept walking, expecting the apparition to disappear, but instead it began to move closer. What the. . .? A sudden attack of gooseflesh caught him, and the hair on his arms stood up at attention. Something seemed amiss, but he couldn't discern quite what, even though all of his years of evading enemies and hiding had made him extremely sensitive to anything that wasn't normal, and this feeling he had alerted him that something surely wasn't normal.

≈

I saw him right away, and just to look upon him took my breath away. There was no mistaking him, even in the darkness--it was Jamie. He was so tall, but thinner than he should be, walking slowly toward me as the fading moonlight beamed down on his head setting fire to his hair. I wanted to run and shout, but stood frozen in place, as though stopped on train tracks with a locomotive bearing down, but unable to move. My heart was pounding so hard I felt it in my ears. He kept walking, coming closer to me with each graceful step, and I wondered why he didn't run. Didn't he see me? He appeared to be looking right at me. I loved the way he moved as he stepped panther-like up the uneven terrain of the hill, and my heart broke with tenderness, for I could see in his carriage that he was no longer the proud warrior I had left, but was instead a man in despair. Closer and closer he came, and each step brought him more clearly into view. His features were bleached in the moonlight, skin glowing white, wearing sandals, breeches, and a shirt, not even dressed warmly, I thought. I took a tentative step forward and thought I heard the sound of him sucking in a startled breath.

"Back again, eh Sassanach? Come to keep my poor bones company, are ye?" His deep voice queried me from a short distance away, and the mere sound of it set my heart fluttering even faster. I caught my breath, but I was trembling with emotion. I was surprised I could even speak.

"Yes, Jamie," I said, my voice shaking in rhythm with the rest of me, "I'm here, to keep you company or whatever else you need." Then I dropped the pack in the road and began to run, lumbering as well as I could under the burden I carried within me. He had stopped walking and appeared to be so shocked by hearing my voice that he could do nothing but gape. Then a dawning of realization came upon his face, and soon the fact that I was actually there right before him caused his feet to pick up his pace to a full run. I continued my ungainly loping as he, ever the athlete, ever my graceful lionhearted lover, came fast toward me, running now with his arms outstretched and his face radiating obvious joy. I couldn't take my eyes from him as he came bounding toward me, hair flying wild, a red lion's mane. I reached out my arms to him. "JAMIE!" I called. He came into my arms and circled me with his own, picking me up, swinging me in circles, his whole face smiling into my eyes, and then his lips were on mine, kissing my mouth, my face, my neck, and still he was holding me up off of the ground so I felt I was floating. He stopped moving and just looked at me, and I back at him, face-to-face, and our smiling lips touched one another again, my arms going up around his neck, then with my hands in his glorious, soft hair, I urged him closer until his tongue took over my mouth. I groaned as I gladly surrendered to him, letting him invade my mouth as he let me slowly slide down his hard body, my feet gently lighting on the ground, still held tightly in his embrace. I reveled in the sensations of his deep kisses, which I answered back with the abandon of desperate need, feeling the press of his huge, hard body against me, taking in the wonderful smell of him, a mixture of outdoors and pure man, his sweat a delicious tang that marked him as my Jamie. I felt his rough beard stubble scratching my tender skin, and didn't care if it rubbed my skin completely off! I only wanted more of him, more of everything. I was so taken up by the moment that I felt my knees begin to buckle. He pulled away and caught me under my arms and held me against him until I could catch my breath. He ran his hand through my wild hair, up until it held my head steady, and I felt cradled and safe, at last, here, and I knew that just to be with him was all I wanted.

When our hearts finally slowed a bit, he bent down to me again, "Sassenach," he whispered, "Oh, God! My Sassenach!" He looked deeply into my eyesbefore completely covering my mouth with his,taking me gently this time, suckling and nipping, while my body caught fire in his arms. I could still barely breathe, but I didn't care. This was my Jamie, and I had him at last. My hands crept into his hair again, grabbing it by handfuls and luxuriating in the feel of it. Oh, how I had missed the feel of him! I leaned back into his strong arms, and as he held me tightly to him, like a precious thing he could not relinquish, then I looked up at him, half-laughing, half sobbing with the joy of being close to him again, only to see the tears in his own eyes as he looked into mine. Our eyes couldn't let go of each other for several beats, and then they mutually closed as another long, wet, kiss began. When at last it ended, he held my hands and looked at me, staring as though still in a state of disbelief. Then he smiled, white teeth flashing in the light of the moon, so handsome and beautiful. At last he broke our silence.

"Sassenach! How have ye come to be here?" he asked me in amazement. Before I could answer, he drew me against him again, his breath in my hair, our baby between us, his desire pressing firmly against me, stirring up feelings of such intensity that I once again began to feel faint. "Sassenach! Are you feeling all right?" I heard the fear in his voice.

I was more than all right, I thought, dazed. I was actually here again, with Jamie, my darling Jamie, my husband, the father of my child! My hands slid up his back, holding his precious body, and I laid my head against his chest, hearing his heart hammering fast and strong.

"I'm fine, Jamie—the baby and I are just fine." I murmured against him, then I lifted my face to him once again, and felt him catch my bottom lip with his teeth, gently, before he took possession of my mouth once more, invading and questioning, telling me of his need, and still holding me so tightly against his body that I could swear I felt every muscle and tendon in him. I gloried in the tight press of our bodies, my softness held against his masculine rock solidness. We began a slow and graceful descent to the ground, still holding, still kissing, joined by our tongues, since that was as intimate as we could be at the moment, and then soon I was lying beneath him, feeling the heat of his long body over mine and I groaned with gladness, desire and relief. He was still here. He was still mine. Oh God, Thank You! Thank You! We rolled on the grass, crying and kissing, his large, warm hands feeling my swollen womb, then going to the small of my back, pressing me closer to him, and then moving back again to feel the swelling of my belly, as if to reassure himself that the child was really there. I felt his hands movedownward, around the swell of our child, to what was below, and felt myself grow quickly damp beneath his warm touch. My hands sought him in the dark and he moaned as he pressed the hard object of my desire against my trembling hand.

He finally pulled back enough to look me in the eyes once more. This time, joy had been replaced by a look of such raw need and lust that I felt my body respond with yet another warm wet burst. I wanted him as surely as he wanted me.

"Claire, oh my Claire, I thought ye were a dream again. I canna hardly believe it's really you. It is, isn't it? And you're here with the bairn inside of you--I'm not in a fevered state and seeing things that aren't there again, am I?"

I reached up and touched his forehead. It was warm, but not so warm as to be feverish, and the slight perspiration over his brow told me the warmth was from excitement rather than illness. I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "Jamie, I'm here. I'm really here, and it must be me because nobody else had better be kissing you that way!" He laughed as he laid his head on my chest.

"Aye, I take your meaning Sassenach! If ye were to catch me doing this with some other lass, I'm sure I'd be missing my ballocks come the morning!" Then he looked into my face with such humor and tenderness and I wanted to cry again. I touched his chin.

"I'm back now so you won't be tempted to kiss another girl, and this time I'm not leaving!" I said sternly.

He sat up and placed both of his hands on either side of my face, holding it as if I were a chalice from which he would drink of the spirit of life itself. This time his lips touched mine gently, reverently.

"Oh, God, Sassanach! I scarce can get my mind around it, but I do believe it's really you, since there is nothing else on this earth that can make me feel as I do now." His dark eyes sought mine.

I smiled up at him and said, "I had to get back before our baby came, Jamie. I didn't know if I could come through holding a child, so I came before it was born. I just had to know if you lived, and if you were alive, I simply had to find you and hold you again. I've been so miserable without you."

His warm hand slid under my cloak again and rested on the lump that held his child and his mouth turned up into a flash of a smile, then his face turned serious. "It's really there, isn't it, Sassanach? It's really our child in there, no?"

"It's pretty hard to miss, I'd say. And it's certainly happy to meet its daddy!" The baby seemed to be practicing for a sword fight; it was so active I could swear I'd be bruised in the morning. Jamie placed a hand on each side of my belly, one ear pressed down as if to hear it speak to him. Then he turned his mouth so it pressed against me and spoke tenderly to my belly, first something in Gaelic, and then softly "Hey, little one—I'm here with ye too. Dinna fear--there's the three of us now."

The night was leaving fast in the wake of the coming dawn. Jamie now had to decide what to do for us. "I've been staying in the cave up there, ye ken, to stay out of the way of the English, but I do think we should both go to the house to see ye settled."

"I am very tired, come to that. Do you think it's safe? Jamie—I didn't come here to put you in danger. Let me go into the house if you need to go hide. We can meet again tonight." My lips spoke the words, but my heart fought against them. I felt I couldn't let go of him, even for a moment, for a very long time. A night without him would be torture. Apparently he felt the same.

"I canna let ye do that, my Sassanach. I must stay with ye, at least for now, for I canna bear to leave ye just yet. Come wi' me and hurry. Jenny will be verra glad to see ye again! She's been verra worrit about you and the bairn, ye ken." He rose from the ground and strode quickly up the hill to pick up my sack before returning to me, holding out a hand to help me up. He put his arm around me, guiding me gently and safely down the hill to the door of the house. We stepped in to the dark, quiet space and kissed again, breathless with want, holding each other close.

"I want ye so bad my hands are shakin' from it."

I could see that he was telling the truth, they were in fact, trembling, but then, so was I.

"I know it woudn't be good for the child," he said, looking down at our trembling fingers, now entwined, "but I do need ye so, Claire, at least by my side. Let's go upstairs and lie down together, aye?"

We tried to be quiet as we climbed the stairs, holding hands, stopping every three steps or so to kiss again and hold each other, feeling each time we let go the misery of even momentary separation. We were met on the landing by a lantern and a pair of wary eyes.

"Well, Lord have mercy!" Jenny whispered loudly. "Is that really you Claire?"

I went to her and hugged her tightly. "I had to come back, Jenny. I couldn't stay away until the baby came. I hope you don't mind?"

"MIND?" She said out loud. "My poor brother has been doubled over with grief without ye, and ye ask if I mind! I'm so happy to see ye myself I almost lost my water! Get ye two upstairs and have some rest. I'll talk to ye when ye rise, and don't be up too early! But when I do see ye next, ye'll have a bit of explaining to do!" She smiled after us as we scrambled up the stairs to the top floor, bursting into the bedroom and falling softly together onto the large, soft featherbed. We held our hands clasped between us, fingers and legs intertwined, drinking in the sight of one another like two thirsty desert plants during a soft summer rain.

"Jamie, I love you. I do, and I can't help it. If ever you doubted me, I hope now you'll know the truth—I risked everything to be here with you, and now that I'm here, I know that I'll never, ever leave you again, not even if you order me to go. Please promise me you'll never make me leave you again." I began to cry softly, and he broke our grip to reach out a hand and touch my hair. Then he leaned over and kissed the strand that he held, and gently bent to kiss away my tears.

"Ah, _mo nighean donn,_ my brown-haired lass," he whispered as he fingered my curly locks. He gazed at me, the moonlight through the window making a halo around his head. My big, strong angel, I thought, here to rescue me from my longing and loneliness. I gave him a shaky smile.

"God help me, my own, but I could never have the strength or the courage to ask ye to leave again." His voice was soft and husky, full of pent up emotion. "When I last looked upon ye, at that awful moment when I knew I'd not see ye again, I truly did want to die. A man willna easily lose a huge part of himself without misery and pain, and you are part of me, my Sassenach, _mo chride_, you are. Just to see ye again and see those whisky eyes, I feel I may just live after all." He held up his hand, and I could see faintly in the moonlight the healed scar where I had marked him on that dreadful day of parting.

"Blood of my blood," I began, holding my hand up to his and pressing my "J" to his "C".

"Bone of my bone," he continued. I folded my fingers down between his, and suddenly felt small and fragile in such close proximity to his strength and power. "I give ye my body. . ." I heard the sob catch in his throat. "I do love ye so, my Claire. I want to give ye my body and my spirit and be one with ye now and always." He leaned down and kissed me again, tenderly at first, then more urgently, and we worshipped each other with our mouths and our hearts until we were both of us were breathing fast and shallow. My heart was rapid in my chest, and I felt his own pounding in a rhythm that matched my own. I felt his hand slide up to cup first one aching breast, then the other, and I moaned softly from the sheer pleasure of feeling his hands upon me once again.

"Jamie, please help me out of my clothes—I have to feel your skin on mine." My eyes were pleading, but he was clearly hesitating.

"Sassenach, how do ye expect me to lie wi' ye and not have ye if we take our clothes off? I'm no a man with that much control!"

"Jamie, I don't care! I don't want you to control yourself! We can make love. This baby is healthy, and so am I! I have no bleeding and there is absolutely no reason for us not to, um,. . .you know?" I felt suddenly shy. After all, it had been months since we were alone and naked together.

He sat up abruptly. "Do ye tell me the truth Claire? Or are ye makin' up such a story because ye think I'll not be able to stand it?" He sounded insulted. I sat up then myself and began tugging at my bodice. I looked straight at him.

"Jamie Fraser! I would not lie to you about something so important as our child! Now help me get this off! And hurry!" Our hands then became a flurry of activity, he tugging at my laces, me with my hands on his breeks, both of us working quickly toward our goal. When he got to my shift, he bent and suckled each breast through the fabric until my overly tender nipples stood at attention. Then he rucked up the fabric of my shift until it was up to my navel, exposing me to him completely. He groaned and kissed me quickly in the springy curls he had uncovered, and without even bothering to remove his shirt, centered himself over me, hovering for just a moment, looking for any sign that I would back out. "Please, Jamie," I practically whimpered, "please start and then don't stop for anything!"

He nudged my legs apart with his knee. I was wet and ready, as months of abstinence and desire pulsed through my body, and a second later he sheathed himself neatly inside my snug and willing flesh. The aching inside of me momentarily subsided, but then want and blind need took over. It was different with the baby between us, but we barely paid it any attention, moving mindlessly against each other. I could feel him holding back, so I moved against him, thrusting hard with my hips, and my starved flesh immediately began quivering in spasms of such strength that I felt as though the wind had been knocked out of me. He held himself still, watching me, pleased that he had pleasured me so quickly.

"So, like that is it?" he said raising his eyebrows and smiling with hungry lechery all over his face. Then he became serious: "Claire, are ye sure this is no going to do damage to the child? It seems he's going to be jostled quite a lot?" He was sweating with the effort of not losing control, but controlled he would be if he must.

"Jamie, come here." I reached for him, pulling his head down to mine, kissing him hard, pummeling his mouth with my tongue, biting him lightly on his upper lip. He pulled back quickly, eyes piercing mine, still inside of me, still in control, but finding it more and more difficult maintain that control. I saw the effort on his face. "Jamie—I've thought of nothing but this since the last moment I left you, so please, give me all of yourself, and pretend for now it's just the two of us, okay?"

He expelled his breath forcefully, then looked at me questioningly, but apparently seeing my urgent need so plainly exposed on my face, he relented and reached out with one hand, grasping both of my wrists, bringing them up over my head and then pushing them through the frame of the wooden headboard. He closed my fingers around the wooden rungs and said, "If it's a ride ye want, Sassenach, I suggest ye hold on so I dinna lose ye!" He smiled a most lustful and lascivious smile, reached down, and grabbed me by both buttocks, holding me with those big, strong hands. He lifted me, and at the same time pushed himself fully into me, and I immediately began to shudder and quake beneath him. I heard moaning, but wasn't sure if it was me or him. I was helpless in his hands, he had complete control over me now, and he meant to use that advantage to its full degree. He began thrusting, powerfully, deeply, with each thrust causing me to exhale from the force of his motion, and soon my flesh was once again clutching and quivering against his. My exhaled breaths became his name, called out over and over as his hard, hot flesh continued to stroke me. "Jamie!" I panted, "Jamie!"

Hearing me speak his name seemed only to arouse him further, and I held on tightly to the anchor of the headboard as he pushed himself farther inside of me, both of us panting now with the effort which drove us to meld our flesh into one at the point of complete abandonment. His raw need for me slaked my thirst for him, and I came again and again, gripping him in strong spasms, leaving him breathing raggedly as my flesh held him tight.

"How's that, then, my Sassenach?" he managed to ask me, breathless as he was, "Is this the kind of ride ye wanted?"

I now knew he had passed the threshold of any kind of control. He brought his hands out from under me, shoved a fat pillow beneath me, and pushed each of my thighs firmly against the bed as he invaded me deeply and desperately, wanting as much as I to be joined by more than our bodies. Hanging on tightly to the headboard to keep my head from crashing into it, I began to realize that I, too, had crossed some invisible line, not knowing any more where I began or ended, not caring, as long as he kept filling me, his body an extension of my own, and as I quivered and convulsed beneath him, it occurred to me that I could never be whole without this man I loved beyond reason.

As if reading my mind, I heard Jamie's voice speak what I was feeling. "Aye," he said in a voice choked with passion, "ye are my wife, but more than that, ye are my body, and I mean to make ye feel it so ye never doubt. It's the way between us, aye?"

By now he was moving so hard against me that my orgasms blended one into the next, keeping me constantly breathless, constantly moaning, and still he would not be satisfied. I began to feel my own soul take flight as his flesh joined with mine in a oneness I could not comprehend.

"Jamie! Oh, God, Jamie!" I gasped for breath. "I can. . . feel you . . .Oh! Jamie! My God! I feel you so deep. . .so deep," I struggled for air, gripping the headboard, at that point being so completely lost in him, so connected, so completely his, that I seemed to lose my very self and was instead reduced to pure sensation. "JAMIE!" my voice was trying to scream, but I was too breathless. "I can feel you inside me. . . so deep that you're—ohmiGOD, Jamie! You're touching me—I feel you touching my heart! Don't stop! Oh God!"

"Aye, my own," he breathed raggedly, "now I think. . ." his breath came harshly, "I think you understand!" and throwing his head back, he began to groan with a sound so deep that I knew it came from the very heart of his being, and I felt him come hot and hard inside of me, continuing to push himself into me as the wave of it took him, and I, still clinging to the headboard, felt the groaning inside of me begin to turn to a scream, and letting go of the bed, I grabbed him by his shirt, pulling him down to me, stifling my voice against his shoulder, biting him hard, my flesh still clutching in a continuous spasm until at last he fell on me, his mouth hot on mine, absorbing my scream into him and the two of us burned together, hotter than the sun, finding at last what we had sought for so long, in the white-hot melding of flesh that turns two into one.

We were both sobbing, clutching each other, still desperate not to part, for to let his body go just now was something I could not do. He must have felt the same need to stay inside of me, for when he at last drew the quilt up over us, he pulled me to his chest and put his arm around me, laying one leg over my thigh, and we breathed each other's breaths, breathed in the essence of our scent of lust and fulfillment, and at last, still connected by that tenuous fleshly link, fell asleep in each other's arms.

Later, we woke and made love tenderly, fondling, kissing, tasting and holding, and as I held him fast in my arms, I knew that nothing on this side of heaven would ever be as dear to me as he was. I then felt the tears come again to my eyes. For so many months I had thought this could never happen again, that my body was dead to want and desire. As I lay in the slow pulsing daze of complete fulfillment, I felt a tear run down the side of my face. The months of separation became a pain that spilled from my eyes, and after our frenetic and then tender coupling, the dam had broken loose and could hold back no more emotion.

Momentarily, I felt him pull me closer to him, and as I looked at him, I saw in his face complete understanding, for his own eyes were moist, brimming with pent up feelings. His finger moved to my cheek, catching a single tear, and I watched as he placed it in his mouth and smiled sweetly at me. "What is it between us, when I lie with ye and ye quiver beneath me? I feel like I'm the king of the world, Sassenach, and it's you, only you, who can make me forget who I am or what I am except that I'm part of you and that's all that matters. What is it? I asked ye before, but do ye know now?"

I took his hand and pressed it against my heart. "Jamie," I whispered, "I still don't know for sure, but I think it's something nobody else but the two of us would understand. I think it's too deep to put into words, but it's there, whatever it is, and it always will be."

"Aye, I thought it must be something like that. It's like our bodies share a secret, no? I like that verra much, to know the secret of you and to love you with all my heart and soul, and know that ye feel the same for me. It's a wonder I thought never to have again on this side of life, and all I can be right now is grateful, for to have ye close to me like this is all I ever need." He gently turned me over then, spooning with me, his big, warm body behind me, his hand on our baby with mine resting on top of it, then he sighed deeply, and once more we slept, peaceful in our mutual embrace.

CHAPTER FOUR - JENNY

I woke to the sun slanting through the window with the look of late afternoon. Apparently we had both slept soundly. I was warm and content, even as I stretched gently, causing me to feel every aching muscle in my body. My first thought was not to stir and wake Jamie, but then I felt him lightly fingering one of the gold chains I still wore around my neck. I took that hand in mine, pulled it to my breasts and sighed,

"Awake already?"

"Aye, Sassenach, I'm thinking ye were right in wearing your suit of armor for the trip, but I've not seen armor made of gold until now."

"Yes, I suppose it may have deflected the stray bullet that might have been aimed at my neck, come to that."

"I see ye have a bit more booty around both wrists as well. Did ye rob a pawn shop on the way here? Or did ye find the King's gold and have it made into chains?"

I turned over then and looked at him. I had nearly forgotten how big he was, even though he was thin to the point of being gaunt. He had taken off his shirt sometime in the night and now lay beside me completely naked. My eyes roamed hungrily over his broad shoulders and muscular arms, wonderfully hairy, but skin pale from lack of sun. His large hand held mine, and I savored the look of my small fingers interlaced with his, so strong, and then his face, oh, that precious, beautiful face. I couldn't get enough of looking at him after so many months of wanting to and not being able to. I absorbed as much of him as I could, breathing him in, feeling him so close to me, feeling as though every pore in my body was straining to soak him in. My gaze bore as intensely into his as his into mine. The corner of his mouth turned up as he looked at our clasped hands. "So have ye come back a rich Sassenach to save your poor husband from starvation?"

"Well, you are looking rather starved, my love, but I did quite a lot of thinking about what would be practical to bring back with me, if I tried to find you. I knew things would be hard after Culloden, and all I could think to do to help out was to bring my gold jewelry. Do you know if we can sell it or pawn it somewhere? I want do my share to help around here, I hope you know!"

"Och, aye, my wise woman. I'd never think ye'd be idle for a moment, what with all who need your healing skills and such. I think that was verra smart of ye to think to bring the gold wi' ye to sell—that should be no problem. Are ye sure ye'll be able to part with it, though? I'm thinking this trove you're wearing here is mostly given to ye, right?"

"Yes, you're absolutely right. I may have bought a couple of these things, but most were gifts, and I don't have any sentimental attachment to them, so I want to sell them, if you think we can get enough for them to help us."

"Ah, so they must be from Frank, aye?" he said quietly, not answering my question.

"Yes, most of them. So you see why I don't mind selling them."

"I'd imagine the man's half out of his mind now with misery over ye leaving."

I ignored that remark. "Help me get these off, will you please? They're rather uncomfortable and heavy." I held still while he began unclasping them one by one, dropping them into my hand as they came off.

"I don't want to be talking of Frank, since ye did leave the poor man again, but can ye tell me why ye did? I hated to think of it, but wished you'd be happy again, as ye once were. I know ye did love him once."

His body rested warm behind me as he kept to his task, unclipping the substantial number of necklaces and chains hanging in various lengths around my neck. "Jamie?"

"What, my Sassenach?"

"Do you remember when we were here at Lallybroch one night, and we were outside, and you asked me what I thought I was born to do? Do you remember what I said?"

"Aye, I do at that, since it's stayed with me ever since then, and I've called upon that memory often when I was feeling alone and missing ye. What ye said, as I recall it, was 'I was _born_ for you,' and that gave me such a feeling--I'll not ever forget it." His voice was soft and tender.

"Well, it's true, you know, it was true then and it still is. You have to believe it after last night, don't you? And the fact that I came back two hundred years to be with you? That's why I left Frank, Jamie—I tried to feel something for him again, but it was gone. What we had before I found you was—I don't know, I guess it was love, but I could never feel about any man the way I feel about you. I had to come to back to you." I began crying softly. "Without you, Jamie, I don't think I'd care to live another day."

He placed the last chain in my hand, which was heavy with gold. Then he rubbed the skin he had exposed by freeing me of my chains. "The skin of your neck, Claire—it's so soft it's like silk, and your neck, the curve of it, the back of it just here. . ." I felt his lips touch my nape in a tender kiss. "I know what ye mean, though, about having to come to me. I couldna even hope that ye would, but now that you're here, I see it. We have to be together." He kissed me again on the back of my neck, this time circling the kiss with the tip of his tongue. I broke out in goosebumps and made a little squeaky nose. I heard the rumble of his laughter begin as he said, "That's another reason ye had to come back. I can't go a day without hearing ye squeal for me."

I unceremoniously dumped the chains onto the floor and turned around so I was facing him. Our eyes and our smiles said, "I cannot think of life without you," and our kiss said it even better. Soon I swung my leg over his hip and nestled next to him in a very inviting way. "My muscles are killing me from the trip on that horse, you know."

"I see that, Sassenach. That's why ye have your leg slung over me like a tart in a bawdy house and ye have a look in those whisky eyes of yours that tell me ye've got no but treachery on your mind."

"Oh, treachery is it? Well then, let's see who has the weapon, shall we?" The sword came up swiftly and accurately, and I hugged his neck this time instead of the bed post so as not to be tossed off of the bed in our amorous skirmish. I was glad to have something so solid to hold onto.

We finally made it downstairs by suppertime. Jamie had insisted on stripping me naked to have a good look at my changing body, and he had pronounced me the most beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes on. I told him I felt the same when I looked at him. Then he showed me the terrible red scar that went nearly from groin to knee, and said he had nearly died of it, but Jenny had refused to let it take him. I felt it tenderly and then kissed its length, thankful that it looked healed, despite the lingering redness. That would fade in time, but I cried in Jamie's arms, sick with regret that I couldn't have been here to see him through the ordeal. After our mutual body assessment, we lay in each other's arms, talking about the baby and how soon it would be here, and how would we live with Jamie in hiding, and finally decided to find something to eat before we both starved.

Jenny was in the kitchen preparing the rabbit stew for the evening meal when we at last showed our faces. She must have read something in them, only commenting that we looked like a couple of kids who had found our birthday surprises early. We only smiled conspiratorially at each other, the secrets of our lovemaking ours alone to enjoy. She placed a hot loaf of bread on the table, along with a dish of butter. As Jamie buttered two pieces of bread, she returned with two glasses of buttermilk and stood looking at us. I smiled and thanked her, and reached out for the piece of buttered bread Jamie was offering to me, and without thinking, bent over and licked a bit of butter off of his thumb with my tongue. I immediately turned red, and noticed Jamie's pink ears, but Jenny just sighed, smiled, and turned to go back to her work. Our eyes met as we chewed, and we smiled as we ate, silent and content, but still prickling with awareness of each other.

"I thought ye'd both be fair starved after sleeping all day," Jenny said from her place at the stove. She looked from Jamie to me and back again, but our eyes were wide with mock innocence, and she laughed out loud. "Yeah, right. As though I canna tell my brother's had the best time of his life since ye left!" She shook her head, then reached for the coffee pot and poured out two steaming cups, which she laid on the table before us. "I had some extra cream, and thought the coffee might be a nice treat for us. It's a rare thing around here right now. Someday I'll tell ye how I got it." She went and poured her own cupful and returned with the cream pitcher in her other hand.

"Jenny, thank you—I'm absolutely famished!" I exclaimed. By then I had nearly devoured half of the loaf of bread, starving as usual. The coffee was an unexpected extravagance.

Jenny sipped her own coffee, and I sensed that the questions would soon come. I looked at Jamie with my eyebrows just slightly raised and saw the faintest of nods of his head.

"So, Jenny, I suppose ye are wonderin' just what brought our Claire back to us now, aye?"

Jenny shot him a look that said he was an imbecile for even asking. She didn't speak, however, but let Jamie take on the touchy subject when he was ready.

"Ye know how it was at Culloden, with all the death and all the English hunting us like dogs. Claire was wanting to stay wi' me, even fight next to me, and I woulndna let her, for I knew by then she was carryin' our child."

Jenny sat back in her chair, looking at both of us with interest and a bit of skepticism.

"I did tell Jamie I wanted to fight, Jenny, I said. "The last thing I wanted to do was leave him. I hope you know that." I felt I had to tell her that so she wouldn't think I had simply abandoned him when the going got tough.

"Aye, my brave little Sassenach," Jamie said, a sad smile of remembrance on his face. "She'd ha stayed had I not insisted she leave and save the bairn, since I fully intended to be dead by the end of the day."

Jenny sighed and took another sip of coffee. "I understand that, Jamie, and I commend Claire for her bravery, but how could ye get her away from danger? If I know ye both, and I think I do, then ye were in the thick of things, aye?"

"Well," Jamie sighed, picking up his coffee and looking into the cup as though seeing a picture of the past, "there are some things I just canna tell ye, Jenny, but I'll tell what I must." He looked at me, and I knew we were both thinking of Dougal, and how Jamie had taken his uncle's life right before we fled to the abandoned cottage at the base of Craih na Dun. He went on, "I had told the tenants here to get out of that place, ye ken, so they took off at my command. I was takin' Claire to a place to hide from the Dragoons, who would ha' hung her had they found her, mind ye, when a farmer came by with a big cart of hay and pigs, and I gave him my wee knife as payment to take Claire to a safe place. I knew I'd not need that small thing when I was fighting, and it bought her safe passage, so, I kissed her good-bye, thinkin' never to see her again this side of the grave, and she went off with the man."

"What was his name and where was he from?" Jenny asked, still skeptical of the lie Jamie was feeding her.

"Claire, do ye remember the man's name? Was it . . .och, I canna remember. I was a mite distressed to be takin' in small details at the time."

I looked at him, picking up his lead, and said with as much truth as I thought I could paste on my face, "I believe his name was Andy Anderson. He was heading toward the north, and we knew that was a safer place to go, so I rode for days in the company of pigs and a man who smelled no better!"

Jamie smiled very slightly, so I knew I had lied sufficiently to satisfy Jenny. "What Claire tells me it came to was that he had friends who were going to sail the channel, and Claire eventually ended up staying with her friend Louise outside of Paris. I had hoped she'd stay safe away until the bairn came, at least, but as ye can see, she's a verra stubborn woman." This time he smiled broadly at me, and I returned a bright smile to him.

"Mmmmmph." Jenny half snorted. "That sounds like quite a journey, Claire, and then ye came back? How did ye know Jamie was even alive? Or that we were here and not burned out like so many of the others?"

"That's the thing, Jenny," I said earnestly, looking into her doubting brown eyes. "I didn't know. I thought Jamie probably was dead, and I had no idea how you all fared here, but, I don't know if you can understand this, I think you will—I didn't feel in my heart that Jamie had died. I knew he meant to, but I didn't feel it. I did feel empty without him, but it wasn't the kind of emptiness that you feel when someone dies, and I can't really explain it better than that."

"Aye, I ken what ye say, Claire. I admit I've had something of the "sight" a time or two, and I kent a thing or two that couldna ha' been known outright. I believe it when ye tell me that ye came back because ye thought Jamie lived, and I'll have to say I love ye verra much for that. I love the strength it took to get back here." Her eyes were filling with tears as she said it, and Jamie and I looked at each other, relieved that this part was over. The last part was true, at least, and it must have rung true with Jenny because when she at last looked up at us, she was smiling. "I'm just so glad and relieved that it all worked out this way. It's going to be a harder life for ye here, Claire. I'm sure that Paris was a much easier place to live, but I know ye'll pitch in to help as ye can, and I'm glad ye came. So's Ian, and I expect he'll be tellin' ye the same when he comes in from his chores."

With that she rose and went back to finish supper. I cleared the few dishes from the table and washed them up. In the meantime, Jamie had come and laid a hand on my back before he left to go help Ian finish up the chores.

CHAPTER FIVE – HIDING DAMP

The weeks went by quickly. Fergus was overjoyed to see me again, and I readily admit that my fondness for him was turning into a motherly sort of love. There was always so much work to do, but it was work I enjoyed, and though I was limited in how much or how long I could stay at a task with the baby growing ever heavier, my days passed in a peaceful and pleasant way for the most part. The hard part was that Jamie stayed in the cave most of the time, coming to sleep with me in the night, and then leaving before sunrise to stay in hiding. We did have a raid one day, but the English were mostly looking for food, and didn't even look at me as I worked at the stove. They soon departed with a fresh loaf of bread, amply buttered, and two bottles of ale kept cool in the barn. I sighed a huge sigh of relief after they rode off, and Jenny sat down, knees weak.

For two days, Jamie and Ian had worked on taking out part of the ceiling in the gathering room upstairs. Jenny remembered that Ellen had told her about the space above the ceiling that was to have been a loft at one time, but then, not needed, had been covered up. Jamie and Ian managed to saw a piece out from between the criss-crossed wooden beams on the ceiling, then rigged up a ladder that could be raised and lowered quickly, and all of us watched as they practiced sliding the large piece of ceiling material up into the space, lowering the ladder, Jamie climbing up the ladder and pulling it up after him, then sliding the ceiling panel back into place. It was brilliant; a perfect emergency hiding place that would be undetectable, even during the most thorough search. I only hoped we'd never have to make use of it, but it was a great comfort to have it, with Jamie spending nights in the house now.

I began to get nervous as my time drew nearer. We had talked to Mrs. Innes, the midwife, who said she had no other babies due to deliver in December, and to just send word when she was needed. I went up to the cave as often as I dared, usually bringing our lunch and supper, and then we'd get to spend precious time talking and just being with each other. We seemed never to get enough of that. I had been concerned about the birth, and decided to bring it up with him one day.

"When the time comes, Jamie, you have to stay with me. Will you promise me?"

He looked uncomfortable and swallowed a large lump of sandwich that looked as though it didn't want to go down. "Are ye sure Sassenach? I thought the husband's place was to pace around in the kitchen and wait for word."

"I suppose it is at that, but I'm going to need you with me, not in the kitchen."

"Ye will?" His face looked a bit pained, so I went on to explain my reasoning.

"Remember I told you that we needed to use alcohol and clean things around wounds and sores so they would heal and not get all full of pus?"

"Aye, I remember that. How could I forget all the wounds ye treated during the fighting and ye always washed with something ye said would kill those—what are they again?"

"Germs. We don't want germs because they can make us very sick, and we can even die from them. The alcohol kills the germs, and with a baby, there are many opportunities for germs to start growing. I want you to promise me you'll make sure Mrs. Innes keeps her hands clean with the alcohol every time she touches me, and she must only use the boiled cloths, and she cannot use anything that has touched the floor or anything not boiled or clean."

"Aye? I'm to tell this woman how to do her job? I know she's not been at it as long as the old midwife, but ye'd think she might take offense if I'm telling her how to do things I have no knowledge of."

"I'll explain to her that it's just my way, and you'll be there to see that my way is how she does it. I may not always be able to watch her myself—I expect I'll be a bit busy, but remember that I almost died after Faith? I could die this time if we don't keep things clean."

Jamie's eyes popped open with concern. "Do ye really think ye might die of this Claire? I'd never forgive myself for doin' that to ye if it hurt ye, and I'm scairt enough that ye must put your life in danger because of me."

"Well, Jamie, as I recall from my biology lessons, it does take two to make a baby, so I'm as much to blame for my condition as you are." I gave him a half smirk, which he caught and blushed. "So, that means you'll help me? You'll stay right there and be sure everything is clean for me?"

"Aye, I can do that, I'll tell her you are a "ban-lighiche," and she'll know you to be a healer and willna trouble us about the. . .wee germs, but the other part is what scares me, Sassenach."

"What part, Jamie? You've seen the animals give birth lots of times—it's really not so different, you know. It's basically the same process."

"Aye, but I don't love the kine when they birth their young, and I do love you! It's going to be awful if I have to watch ye scream like I've heard Jenny do when her bairns have come. I hope I can stand it."

He gave me a worried look that rather amused me. This fearless warrior was set to trembling at the thought of watching his wife give birth. I supposed most men would feel the same, but nonetheless, I wanted him there, as much to keep a watch on Mrs. Innes as to just be there for me.

"You've done much harder things than that, and besides—I want you there to see your baby born. It's a rare and beautiful thing to see a new life enter the world, and when it's your own, well, I don't think you'd want to miss it."

"Aye, I've seen the colts and the calves come out into the world many times, wobbling about on new legs, and even that can bring a tear to my eye, so I expect seeing my own son come out of you could be a wondrous thing." He reached for my hand and kissed my knuckles. "Do ye feel it may be soon now?"

"I'm thinking sometime in the next two weeks or so. Thanks to your counting, I know when the baby should be born. I'd not know that if you hadn't counted, Jamie. When I had to leave you, you told me it had been forty-six days. I still can't believe you kept track!"

He looked both pleased and pained as he recalled that moment when he told me I was going to have his child. We were in the midst of a war, and I truly hadn't been paying attention, but Jamie had, and when he confronted me with the truth, I had to admit he was right. That's why I left. The memory was painful, and I didn't want to cry, so I began to talk.

"I'm getting eager to have it done with. I'm so tired all of the time!"

"Aye, I remember Jenny getting restless and sayin' as how it gets to be the time and ye don't even care so much that it's going to hurt because ye'll be so glad to have it on the outside rather than inside. It still scares me, though, especially after what happened last time." Neither one of us could look the other one in the eye right then. That separation still loomed between us, and just the mention of it brought back all of the pain. I finally looked up at him.

"Do you ever think of Faith, Jamie? I've been thinking of her often as this pregnancy goes on. I'm now well past the point where I lost her, but the feelings are the same, having someone who is completely dependent on you inside of you. I can't describe it, really. I already love this child, and I think of Faith, and then I get so scared. . ."

His voice was soft, almost choked, "I do think of her, and it's one of my greatest regrets, Claire, that I wasna there when you and my child needed me most. I'm fair ashamed of failing ye so." He looked down into his lap, and I reached out a hand and put it in his.

"It will be different this time, Jamie. This time, you'll be with me, and the baby will live. I do want to ask you something, though, and you may not like it."

"What's that, my own? Ye may ask anything of me but not to love ye." He looked at me with sincere concern on his face.

"Jamie, things can happen during childbirth. Bad things. I know you know that, because being with the horses and the animals, I know you've had to make decisions. . ."

"CLAIRE! he nearly shouted, catching my drift, "ye canna ask me to do what I think ye are workin' up to asking!"

My eyes held his in a steady, sure gaze. "I want to say that if it gets to a point where it has to be me or the baby, please give the baby a chance. I've already lived. . ."

"NO!" He shouted loudly now. "I don't want to hear it! I canna possibly choose the child over you!

"But Jamie!"

"Listen to me, Claire, and listen with your heart. You _are_ my heart, woman, and I willna live without it again! If it should come to it, I would always choose you, and that's all about it!"

"Okay, I understand how you feel, Jamie. I had to ask you. You do what you think is best for all of us. Let's just pray really hard, Jamie, that it will be okay."

He nodded. "Of course. I pray always for both of ye to be safe."

"Yes, it will be all right. Otherwise, why would I have found you again? We're meant to be a family. I'm just getting restless and a little scared, I suppose, with the birth coming soon. I really can't wait to see our child held against you in those big, strong arms of yours! It will be a sight to warm my heart, Jamie. To give you a child of your blood, to see you hold it. . ."

"Aye, I'm eager for it too, just to see what you and me will look like when we're mixed together." He was holding my hand, stroking my knuckles, his eyes sparkling with anticipation. "I'm thinking a lassie who looks exactly like her mam would be verra beautiful. . ." he flashed me a big smile and bent to kiss my hand, then moving up my arm to my neck, and then planting a sweet kiss on my lips. "Dinna fash, Sassenach," he said reading my face again. I'll take good care of all of us, even in hard times. I did say as I'd keep ye fed, did I not?"

"Yes, you did, Jamie, but things are bad here, and I hadn't even thought about how much more difficult I might make it for everyone if I came back just now."

"Claire," he touched my cheek and looked me in the eyes, his being calm, deep blue pools even in the midst of uncertainty. "I said, don't ye be worrit. Ye just fetch me when the time comes, ye must promise me, the moment ye feel it comin' on, and I'll watch to be sure ye'll be as safe as ye can be, and I'll personally see that no germs get to you and the babe, and after that, we'll manage!"

A man with a great purpose, now, I thought. It might help him, too, to have something to do on that day. The going may get rough, and I didn't want him to suffer, pacing about downstairs, not knowing what was going on. This way I could tell him as things progressed what was happening, and he could watch out for "gerrrrrms," as he said it.

I waited until dark, and then left him reluctantly. It was terribly hard to leave him at all, but to leave him all alone in that damp cave was wrenching. I wondered how we would manage after the baby came, and how long would he have to hide? I wasn't so worried about myself—I heard from Jenny that word was I had done some kind of witchcraft and disappeared up at Craih na Dun. I guessed that Dragoon who chased me survived long enough to tell the tale of my departure!

The next time Jamie came to the house to shave and clean up, he spent the night with me in our bed, holding me and the baby, talking most of the night, both of us preferring talk to sleep, trying to soak up each other's presence like two thirsty sponges. We didn't make love that night—I didn't know why, but I didn't feel quite right, and Jamie didn't want to hurt me. It was just so good to be held. I put a hand on his hairy arm that was wrapped snugly around me.

"Oooh. I just love the feel of you, my magical beast, all hairy and manly and wonderful. I missed you in every way possible when I was gone, but I'd have to say that I missed the feel of your body close to mine almost as much as I missed being able to talk to you, Jamie."

"Did ye then," he murmured into the back of my neck, sending gooseflesh all down my back. "I wondered how it was for ye, going back to another man's bed, and I'll have to say I hated the thought of it so greatly that I had nightmares about it."

I rolled over then to look at him. I touched his jaw and smiled. "Jamie. .. ."

"No, Sassenach, that's between you and him and I dinna want to know. . ."

"But Jamie, I didn't actually share his bed in the way you think. I did sleep in our bed, but we never, you know, we never. . ."

"Ye mean to tell me that man slept with you in a bed and never reached for ye in the night?" He pushed himself up and propped his head on his hand, looking at me with disbelief and astonishment. "I canna believe such a thing! I couldna let two nights go by without takin' ye like a beast if ye woulndna have me willingly!"

"Oh, Jamie, you know you'd never force yourself on anyone. I know that! But honestly, I didn't want him, and he knew about you, and he didn't want me, I think, because of you. Does that make sense?"

"Aye, I guess I wouldna want ye if I knew your heart was given to another," he said, and I watched as the look on his face grew comically puzzled and embarrassed at the same time. "Well, I guess I did have ye that way, when we were first wed, but there ye go—I couldna even be in the same room with ye and not lie with you! Now you tell me that you and he. . .well, it had to be torture for him!"

"Maybe it was—when I left, he had found someone else, and that was probably partly my fault. I just couldn't want him that way when all I thought about was you, and how we were when we were together, Jamie. I knew I could never have that with any other man, and I didn't want to even. . ."

"Hush, my Sassenach." He pulled my head into the crook of his neck and I breathed in the scent of his skin, closing my eyes in pleasure. "I do appreciate your telling me, but let's just leave it at that. We're together now, and that's all that matters."

We both sighed and fell asleep, though I woke several times, turning about until finally I felt Jamie's hand on me, wanting to know what was wrong. "What is it, Sassenach? Ye act as though ye have critters crawling on ye. The bedclothes are twisted tight as a rope."

"I don't know, I'm just kind of jumpy and I can't sleep. I feel hot and restless."

He began to rub my neck and shoulders with that big, warm hand of his, running his fingers up my neck into my hair, rubbing my scalp and soothing me.

"Ah, that feels so good."

"Just relax then and go back to sleep. I'll keep touching you until I know you sleep. Ye must not be tired when the bairn comes, so sleep now, _m'annsachd,_ sleep. . ."

I gradually drifted off listening to his gentle, soothing murmuring, mostly Gaelic, and mostly I didn't understand, but I did understand the underlying language of love.

I woke to another gray dawn showing itself through the frosty window panes of our bedroom. Jamie was across the room relieving himself, and I thought as soon as he was done with the chamber pot, I had better use it myself. Then it struck me that he was still here, past the time when he should have gone back into hiding. "Jamie! Why are you still here? Soon it will be light out!"

"Aye," he turned around and smiled at me, naked, so beautifully made that it took my breath away to see him, as always. He saw the longing in my eyes and kept smiling, white teeth visible in the semi-darkness of the room. "I know I should be gone, I just havena the strength to leave ye yet." He sauntered back to the bed and slid in behind me. "I just have need of holding you and the bairn a bit longer."

We languished in our cozy warm nest, feeling as though no harm could touch us there, alone and close. That feeling lasted for a very short time. We both jumped when we heard a sudden loud banging on the door downstairs, as though it were being chopped through with an axe.

"THE ENGLISH!" we heard voices and feet skittering and Jamie was up in a second, grabbing his breeks and shirt, then coming back to the bed, picking me up and running for the ladder. It had been left down for easy access, so he gently but urgently placed my bare feet in front of it and said,

"Be careful but quick, Sassenach!" and he stood behind me as I grasped the ladder and began hoisting my ungainly body up to the opening in the ceiling. It seemed to take forever, but Jamie was right behind me, urging me on. As soon as I got up far enough to sit on the topside of the ceiling, I swung my legs sideways and Jamie came shimmying up very quickly, pulling the ladder up and sliding the panel over the hole. I heard him groping for the flint in the dark, and he lit the one lantern that had been left up in the hideout, alongwith a few other objects we thought might come in handy in this situation. I'm sure he saw the terror in my eyes, even in the dim light, and he silently crawled to me, putting a hand on my arm to steady my shaking. "Dinna fash," he whispered, "they'll not find us here. We'll just wait them out."

"Jamie, I have to use the pot really badly!" I whispered back with a slight panic in my voice. I saw him search around for one, but the light showed nothing to be used for this type of emergency. That was smart, I thought, as I surveyed our other provisions, noting that we had several bottles of water up here, but no chamber pot!

"Well, I think ye may have to hold it for a bit. Hopefully they willna stay long." We heard the far off sounds of the search; they seemed to still be on the first floor. I started to shiver again.

"Here, Sassenach," Jamie said, unfolding a large quilt and wrapping it around us. He had gotten us in a position where he was leaning against a low wall, one leg on either side of me, and he held me back against his chest. Soon the warmth of his body, along with the quilt, heated me sufficiently that I stopped shivering. "Better?"

"Much," I whispered. We were silent and tense, but comforted greatly by the closeness of our bodies. I tried not to think about the chamber pot, but as time went on, it became more and more difficult. "Jamie," I whispered. "I'm really sorry, but I think my bladder is going to burst soon, or else I'm going to wet myself." I heard him sigh.

"Well, if ye do, ye do, Sassenach. Dinna be worrit about that just now. We can always dry out later." I felt him chuckle behind my back.

"Are you laughing?" I whispered back at him, outraged, but half laughing myself at the ridiculous situation.

"Aye, I guess I am. I'm thinkin' I've pissed myself a few times, but I've never been pissed on by someone else!" With that, we both had to try to stifle our laughter, and soon I felt the warm trickle begin underneath me. Once it started, I couldn't stop it. I was mortified, but the relief was worthy of a groan.

Jamie was almost giggling behind me, still holding me close to his chest, his face buried in my hair, as the wet soaked both of our bottoms. "Well, at least it's warm—for now!" he said, laughing some more, the wet creeping into every available crack. I knew my face would have been bright red if he had been able to see it.

"I'm sorry, Jamie—I couldn't help it—the baby—"

"Shush, Sassenach. I've shared about every bodily function with ye that's possible for two people to share, and now this is a new one. I'm just glad ye haven't vomited on us. That would ha' been worse. I dinna mind sitting in piss so much, as long as it's yours." The trembling chuckle began again, and all I could do was lean back on him, silently humiliated, but seeing the humor in it as well.

We heard the crashing and banging grow closer, and soon we sat frozen as we heard the noises working their way beneath us. We could hear voices in our recently vacated bedroom.

"Who sleeps here, and where are they?" the English voice boomed.

"Well, if ye must know, when it's cold in the barn, I let the boys come up here sometimes to sleep. They must ha come up in the night and left again before ye got here." Jenny's voice sounded tense, but full of haughty truthfulness, even though she was feeding him a whopper.

"When did they leave did you say? The sheets seem to still hold a bit of warmth."

"They rise verra early to get the cows milked and their chores done—they dinna get fed until the cows are milked, so they hurry out verra early."

"I see. We did observe them out there doing the milking, at that." He browsed around the room and apparently picked up my dress that I'd left folded on the chair. "And who would this belong to?" He must have seen that it wouldn't fit Jenny. How would she explain? I began to sweat, even as the urine began to turn cold and uncomfortable.

"My daughter left it here a week ago last. She and her husband often come to visit, and if it gets late, they stay here."

"So she left to go home without a dress on?" I could hear the sneer in his voice.

"I had made her a new one, and I'm assuming she left in that. I recall she ate breakfast in it, and then they left. Apparently she forgot to take this one." I silently cheered Jenny's lying capability. She was as good as Jamie, I thought. Must be an inherited gift.

"Hmmm. I see." More footsteps, and then he headed out to the hall. "Speaking of breakfast, goodwife, could we prevail upon you to make us a bit before we depart? We've a long way to go yet today, and a hot meal would certainly help."

"Och, aye, to be sure, we'd not want ye to be hungry as ye burn down our friends' homes," Jenny said with acerbity. The soldier merely grunted, and I heard them start down the stairs.

"Oh, Jamie! This is so scary! I was so worried they'd look up here and find you!" I began to tremble in his arms, and I felt them tighten around me.

"I think they're done searching—we just have to wait out their breakfast now. Are ye shivering from fear or cold do ye think?"

"I think from both, Jamie." The wetness was definitely making me cold, and the fear was making me tremble too, and underneath all of that, I was feeling a gnawing cramping in my belly. "I'm not feeling very well, actually."

I felt him jerk underneath me. "What is it?" he whispered loudly. Are ye getting the sickness ye get in the morning?"

"I don't know—could you hand me a bottle of water please?" I sipped, trying to quell the rising nausea. "I'm feeling some cramps Jamie."

"Like in your legs ye mean?"

"No, like in my belly, and not like sickness. It's more like when I get my courses, only bigger."

I felt fear shoot through both of us at the same time as it registered in our brains simultaneously. "Do ye think the time is coming on ye to have the babe? Is that it?"

"I think it might be, Jamie. I don't remember at all what it felt like to give birth to Faith—I was so ill I was unconscious, but this is something different from anything I know. Oh, Jamie! I'm scared!" I began shivering even harder.

"Well, from what I know with Jenny givin' birth, it takes a long time, so let's just keep still here, and you just keep sipping water if that helps. Soon we'll be out of here and Jenny will know what to do."

"I suppose you're right, I need to stay calm. Maybe you could keep whispering some Gaelic to me? That's always soothing."

"Aye, and I'll be whispering prayers as well. Lean back and let me soothe ye as I can."

I leaned on him again, and he began a constant stream of lovely words, whispered softly into my ear. The contractions I was feeling were not coming closely or at regular intervals—maybe it was just Braxton-Hicks. I could hope, anyway. Giving birth in a ceiling wasn't exactly the way I'd choose to do this, and even though I thought Jamie capable of almost anything, I wasn't so sure about his standing in for a midwife!

Time passed. I didn't know how much, but a lot of time passed. What were they doing down there? Making Jenny fix a twelve course meal?

"Jamie—my pains are coming faster now, and I'm really scared. When do you think we'll get out of here?" I knew he didn't know, but I wanted his opinion anyway, or at least some words of reassurance.

"Aye. I've been keeping track, and they're coming regular now," he said, his hand on the top of my belly. "Are ye hurtin' much with them?"

"Yes, I didn't want to say anything, but I'm pretty miserable. They hurt quite a lot, and I know I can't make any noise, and it's getting really hard not to!" There was a note of slight hysteria in my voice, even though it was just a loud whisper, but he picked up on it anyway.

"Ye just breathe hard when the pains come—I've heard say it can help, and I'll hold ye tight. Squeeze my hand if it helps. Let's hold on a bit longer. They can't be stayin' much longer—he did say as they had others to see today, the bastard!"

"Ohhh, aaaahhh, aaahhh!" I breathed and squeezed his hand as the next pain came on. I estimated it lasted about thirty seconds or so, but they were definitely increasing in intensity. "My bottom's getting sore from sitting in this wet mess, too," I said after the pain stopped.

"I catch your meaning, and mine feels a bit raw as well. Watch the candle flame and keep holding onto me. I'll take care of ye, Claire. You and the bairn are safe."

In his arms, I could hardly feel differently, but then the next pain started, and I breathed and squeezed and panted, and I felt him tense with me, as though feeling the pain in his own body. When the pain was over, I gasped, "Oh, Jamie! I don't know if I can do this!"

"Ye can, my Claire, for I'll be wi' ye and I'll not leave ye. Rest on me, if ye can. Soon we'll be out of here."

I knew he was scared as well, but silently thanked him for not giving in to it. I needed his strength. The candle began to gutter, and not wanting to move, we simply let it go out. Jamie felt for the water bottle, and I felt him swallow forcefully beneath my wobbling head. Somehow that strength could get me through this. I had to believe that. On and on we sat in our cold urine pool, getting through each contraction together, both breathing, me squeezing his hand until his knuckles cracked, and he began slowly stroking my belly with the fingers of his free hand, which seemed to relax me a little. I heard him praying in my ear. It was dark and quiet, and I tried to remember that this is what I had wanted. I had wanted to have him with me when the baby was born, and he couldn't possibly get closer that this! But what was wrong? Why hadn't Jenny and Ian come to get us out of here?

"Jamie!" I half whispered, half shouted. "I can feel it moving down! Oh, Jamie, I can't have this baby up here in the dark!"

"Hang on, my Sassenach. You've done many a difficult thing. I'm asking you to wait just a bit longer—I'll be right here with ye. . ."

"AAAAHHHHH!" I groaned, the next pain catching me off guard due to the strength of it. I gritted my teeth and moved my legs up so I could grasp my knees with my hands. It seemed to steady me a little. I curled into the pain and bit my lip.

"Squeeze my hand, Sassenach. Squeeze anything, just try to stay quiet a bit longer!"

"Yeah!" I shot back at him in a whisper verging on a shout. "What I'd like to squeeze right now is your balls! You can't know how much this hurts! Be quiet my ass!"

"Ouch! Ye must be getting' on with the process! Ian says a woman always gets to a point where she insults everything around her. . ."

"And I think that time is NOW! Get me OUT of here!" I gripped his arm with both of my hands, squeezing hard until at last the pain had passed. I panted, "I'm going to have this child here if I can't get out. For God's sake, Jamie! What are we to do?"

Just as the panic was about to take us both, we heard the sound of a door slamming, and then feet running up the stairs. Many feet. The panel slid over and light and air and heat drifted up into our cold space. "Are ye okay up there?" Jenny's welcome voice asked. "They're riding off now, so ye can come down."

"Jenny!" Jamie said in a controlled sort of panicky voice. "Claire's having the baby up here! I'm going to have to carry her down!" Jamie pushed the ladder toward the gaping opening and someone grabbed it from below. He began to push me forward to get out from behind me when another pain gripped me.

"AAAHHHHHH!" I shouted out loud this time, welcoming the freedom to make noise.

"Aye, it sounds as though we'd best hurry about this," Jenny said. "Ian, can ye send Fergus and Rabbie for Mrs. Innes do ye think? I'd like ye here to help."

"I'll go tell them," Ian said as he ran for the stairs.

"Ian!" Jamie shouted. Come back here and help me get Claire down before ye go!"

Jamie crawled around me over to the ladder and swung his feet down onto it, then holding it with one hand, pulled me over. He must have leaned on Ian down below, because he got both arms up to me and lifted me against him, and then stopped, took a breath, and, holding me with only one arm, grabbed the ladder with the other one.

"Don't let me fall back, Ian!" Jamie said as he progressed slowly down the rungs.

"I've got ye, _mo brathair_!" Ian assured him.

Down we went. Jamie placed me gently on the bed we had left a few hours before, and he and Jenny looked at me and took stock. Another pain came on me, and I doubled up and moaned.

CHAPTER SIX – A BABY IS BORN

"Why are ye all wet?" practical Jenny asked. "Is it the birth water that's broke?"

I heard the humor in Jamie's voice as he explained what had happened, and Jenny simply said, "I see. I should ha thought to put a pot up there. Well, let's get ye both cleaned up and ready for this!"

I heard Jamie rustling through the armoire, looking for something dry to put on. Jenny helped me out of my wet night dress and wrapped me in a quilt for the time being. I squeezed her arm very tightly when the next pain came. "Are the pains comin' regular now?"

"Yes!" I panted. "I think it's probably not far off. You'd better get to boiling some water, Jenny, and boil lots of clean rags too.!"

"Aye, I will. I just heard Mrs. Mc Nab come in—she can help us get ready. I'll be right back."

Jamie came back to me, dressed in clean clothes that were too small for him, causing his anatomy to be somewhat well defined. Oh, well. This was no time to worry about that, I guessed. Soon I was curled in the quilt, moaning with another pain. "What can I do for ye, my Sassenach? There was blood on your night dress—is that okay?" He looked worried, and I knew he was thinking of what had happened before, seeing me with all of that blood around me as I lost our baby.

"It's okay, Jamie—they call it a bloody show, and it only means the baby is coming." He looked somewhat reassured, but still skeptical. Soon I was unaware of much that happened around me, as the contractions came faster and harder, and thoughts pretty much left me as I was consumed by the pains. My brain activity seemed to have eliminated unnecessary details, focusing instead on pure sensationthe feel of a warmed blanket thrown over my naked body, the touch of hands as thick towels were placed under my bottom, and then the comfort of a soft pillow placed under my head. I heard voices, and I assumed Mrs. Innes had come, because the voice sounded authoritative, and people seemed to be doing what it said to do.

Over all of the voices, I heard Jamie's loud voice saying, "Use the whiskey on your hands before ye touch my wife!" and I assumed she must have minded him, since when she touched me, her hands felt wet. Her fingers went up inside of me and I moaned louder. Another contraction came on me, and those fingers were probing my insides, and I desperately wanted to murder the body they were attached to. Then the hands were on my belly, holding it between them, and then talking.

I didn't register it all, but heard some concern in their voices and wondered what that was about, but I didn't ask. I was too wrapped up in my pain. Then the stern voice was speaking to my face, and I came to enough to listen.

"Mrs. Fraser, I'm Mrs. Innes. I think you are at a point where you could try to push. Do you think you could do that? The next time you feel a contraction, I want you to start pushing, okay?" I nodded. I was rolled onto my back, and Jamie was placed behind me on the bed, holding me up in a half sitting position.

"Dinna worry—I'm right here," he said soothingly into my ear. I could hear the fright in his voice, though, and tensed just as the next contraction hit me. "Now push, Sassenach! Get that baby out! Push!" he said, coaching me.

Mrs. Innes brought my knees up and placed my hands on them and said, "Now hold onto your knees and give it a good push for me!"

Yeah! For her! Right! Nevertheless, I did what she said, and heard her say, "Good. That's the way. Keep that up and we'll have a babe here soon."

I lay back on Jamie, exhausted, and thought it had better be soon. I couldn't take the pain much longer. The next one came, and Jamie, seeming to know instinctively what to do, held me up from behind as I pushed with all of my might. Then I lay back against him, and we repeated this process for what seemed hours. I was beginning to lose consciousness between labor pains, I was so tired, and I felt Jamie's sweat drip onto my shoulders. We were both wet, whose sweat it was didn't matter, since we were both working equally hard at this job. I woke to talking.

"She's not making progress. The babe should be moving, and it's not coming, even though she's pushing pretty well, and her womb is open enough. I'm getting concerned she'll run out of steam before long."

"What can we do?" I heard Jamie's fearful voice ask right behind my ear.

"We'll have to try something. Hold on, dearie," I heard Mrs. Innes say, and I knew something bad was going to happen. Sure enough, I saw her with what looked like a huge crochet hook, and she put it right up inside of me.

"AAAHHHH!" I screamed as the gush of warm water came out of me, accompanied by a very strong contraction. I was too tired to push, though, and just waited it out.

"Okay, lad," I heard Mrs. Innes say to Jamie. "Put one o' them strong hands right here," and his hand came out from behind me and rested at the top of my womb. "Now, when the next pain comes, I want ye to push on that babe as though ye were pushing a watermelon through a hole the size of your hand." I thought that was essentially what we were doing here, but didn't say.

As I felt the next pain seize me, Jamie's hand pushed down hard, I screamed and Mrs. Innes said, "Good! Now we're makin' some progress. Ye keep that up, laddie and ye'll be holdin' yer bairn soon!"

So, thanks to Jamie and Mrs. Innes, the head of this huge thing began to emerge in due time, and she said, "STOP!" I then felt some oil rubbing me down there as she said, "I see the heid! I see it! The bairn's about here!" It made me feel good that she was excited. "Now, with the next pain, lad, I want ye to push verra slowly and let me get the heid out so as she doesna tear."

I felt as though I was a distant onlooker as Jamie pushed, I screamed, Mrs. Innes rubbed, and soon she said, "There it is! The heid is out!" I felt Jamie lay me down so he could go see this thing that was happening out of my own range of vision, then he came back and settled himself behind me again.

"I can see it, Claire! It's almost here!" He was so excited he was shaking.

"One more, lad, and we'll have it." She was right. One more big pain, and it was out. "It's a girl!" Jamie gently laid me down again and went to see. I heard Mrs. Innes say to Jenny, "Now rub her with the towel until she cries. She's a big 'un! O' course with the size of her mam and pa. . ." I managed to give her what I thought was a wilting look.

"Aye, she's a fine braw, bonnie lass!" Jamie beamed.

"She's choking—what do I do?" Jenny's voice was panicked. I looked over to see them all looking at the baby with concern. Then Jamie grabbed her and put his big mouth over half of her face, and he sucked hard, then turned her over and struck her firmly on her back.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!" came the startled cry of the newborn, and everyone laughed and cried, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Okay, dearie, one more push. Can ye manage that? Aye, that's it. I've got the afterbirth." Then her hands were massaging my belly, hard, and it hurt, so I moaned some more.

"Give her the bairn now—she's still bleeding, and she needs it to start sucking the teat to help her afterpains start."

The baby, still sticky white, but in a warm blanket was put at one of my breasts. Immediately it stopped crying and latched onto my nipple with a very hard suck. I felt my uterus contract suddenly as if some magical link existed between my nipple and my womb. I felt very strange, with my bottom exposed, my breast being suckled, my stomach being massaged, and three people all watching the processes going on with big grins on their faces.

"It's beginning to slow now, Mrs. Fraser. Just let the babe do what it needs to do, and I think we're over the hard part."

I finally looked up into Jamie's eyes. They were looking down at us, and tears ran down his cheeks.

"She's here, Jamie. We did it. We have a child," I said, hoarsely and softly.

"Aye, Sassenach. We live on now. Through her." He knelt down on one knee, touched the baby, touched my face, and then put his head down on my chest and hugged the two of us as his tears wet my skin. I sighed and closed my eyes. I didn't care about the English or the danger or the price on Jamie's head just then. All I cared about was that we were a family now, and somehow things would work out. Our lives were just beginning.

The next time a priest came through the village, he stopped at Lallybroch and christened our daughter. She was a big, beautiful girl who looked a lot like her daddy. Ellen Claire Janet MacKenzie Fraser was going to be very much loved by many people for all of her life. Oh, and as for naming the child "Brian," we decided to wait until we had a boy.

69


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